Sunday, October 30, 2005
Saturday, October 29, 2005
I Have A Confession
I have to thank Mr. Sulu for inspiring my decision. Right here on the internets I will tell the world that I am, in fact, straight. That's right, heterosexual. I like women. It was very trying for me to let the world know, but I feel better now that it's off my chest.
I have to thank Mr. Sulu for inspiring my decision. Right here on the internets I will tell the world that I am, in fact, straight. That's right, heterosexual. I like women. It was very trying for me to let the world know, but I feel better now that it's off my chest.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
He Works Hard For The Money
Elvis made the most money of dead celebrities this past year with 45 million dollars. It's encouraging to know that a dead guy makes more money in one year than I will make in my entire life. I don't like Elvis dead, and I'm sure I probably wouldn't have liked him alive either. So stop buying those collectible "Dead Elvis on the Toilet Seat Dolls" and start giving your money to a more worthy cause.
Elvis made the most money of dead celebrities this past year with 45 million dollars. It's encouraging to know that a dead guy makes more money in one year than I will make in my entire life. I don't like Elvis dead, and I'm sure I probably wouldn't have liked him alive either. So stop buying those collectible "Dead Elvis on the Toilet Seat Dolls" and start giving your money to a more worthy cause.
Monday, October 24, 2005
Hook, Line, and Sinker
I saw a man, who had a hook for a hand, while eating lunch the other day. I thought it fascinating why you would choose to have a hook. If I had a hook I would use it to scare kids and such. My girlfriend pointed out that he probably lost his hand before the time of prosthetics. But my one dying question is; how many times do you scratch your crotch before you remember that there is a hook there.
I saw a man, who had a hook for a hand, while eating lunch the other day. I thought it fascinating why you would choose to have a hook. If I had a hook I would use it to scare kids and such. My girlfriend pointed out that he probably lost his hand before the time of prosthetics. But my one dying question is; how many times do you scratch your crotch before you remember that there is a hook there.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Mistaken Identity
A highschool girl in Australia is upset that students at her school circulated a porn clip featuring an actress they thought was her. Full Story. She was quoted as saying, "It made me feel horrible, it was unfair and humiliating that they had done this." This girl was also in another newspaper article stating that she was unaware most men think with their dicks and that the lure of being a porn star could not get you any favours, sexual or otherwise. The article also states that the parents had to join a US porn site to try and track the origin of the video and clear their daughters name. Outraged that he had to watch countless hours of pornography, the father of the girl said it was worth his sacrifice to reclaim his daughters good name.
A highschool girl in Australia is upset that students at her school circulated a porn clip featuring an actress they thought was her. Full Story. She was quoted as saying, "It made me feel horrible, it was unfair and humiliating that they had done this." This girl was also in another newspaper article stating that she was unaware most men think with their dicks and that the lure of being a porn star could not get you any favours, sexual or otherwise. The article also states that the parents had to join a US porn site to try and track the origin of the video and clear their daughters name. Outraged that he had to watch countless hours of pornography, the father of the girl said it was worth his sacrifice to reclaim his daughters good name.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
When I Rule The World
I will make it against the law to have Christmas decorations in stores before December. I will also make it illegal to have your lights turned on before or after the month of December. Christmas is not about how much shit you can put on your house or how many presents you can cram under your tree. It is about family and togetherness and, so long ago I don't remember when, it was about a guy named Jesus.
I will make it against the law to have Christmas decorations in stores before December. I will also make it illegal to have your lights turned on before or after the month of December. Christmas is not about how much shit you can put on your house or how many presents you can cram under your tree. It is about family and togetherness and, so long ago I don't remember when, it was about a guy named Jesus.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Must Not Have Been Important
There's been an increase lately of people who call to the hotel and say "This number was on my call display do you know who it was?" Hmm, let me think. We have 81 rooms of which about 60 are occupied. Each room averages about 2 people so that's 120 people occupying the hotel. Of which I may interact and get to know about 10-15 of those people. So to sum it up, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHO CALLED YOU, nor is it my job to find out. Most of the people get pissy and tell me there must be a way to find out who called. Well, there is, but I would have to look at all the calls logged for the day (often ranging in the hundreds) to find your number which I don't have the time to do. Guess what, if it was that important they will leave you a message or call you back, so leave me the fuck alone.
There's been an increase lately of people who call to the hotel and say "This number was on my call display do you know who it was?" Hmm, let me think. We have 81 rooms of which about 60 are occupied. Each room averages about 2 people so that's 120 people occupying the hotel. Of which I may interact and get to know about 10-15 of those people. So to sum it up, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHO CALLED YOU, nor is it my job to find out. Most of the people get pissy and tell me there must be a way to find out who called. Well, there is, but I would have to look at all the calls logged for the day (often ranging in the hundreds) to find your number which I don't have the time to do. Guess what, if it was that important they will leave you a message or call you back, so leave me the fuck alone.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
That Was My Idea!
I was gonna start a blog exchange program. The majority of the blogs would be a bunch of bullshit about stay at home moms, knitting and unfunny Italian comedians. I would let the odd good blog join, but they would all be low ranked in my blog-off matches (a contest between 2 blogs to see which is better by having other members vote for it). Then I came to the realization that a site like that already existed Here.
I was gonna start a blog exchange program. The majority of the blogs would be a bunch of bullshit about stay at home moms, knitting and unfunny Italian comedians. I would let the odd good blog join, but they would all be low ranked in my blog-off matches (a contest between 2 blogs to see which is better by having other members vote for it). Then I came to the realization that a site like that already existed Here.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Seemed Like A Good Idea
The Internet is a wealth of information. And, amongst that wealth, there are "31 Really Bad masturbation Ideas." You can view the full list Here. Or read my list of some of the more disturbing ones.
1. Using a pen in the anus with the cap on and having the cap get stuck, waiting a day and crapping it out.
2. Putting a piece of wire into the urethra and ending up hospitalized for three days.
3. Putting a pencil, eraser side first, into the urethra and cutting the inside of the penis.
4. Putting a curling iron into your vagina, only to realize that it is still on.
5. (My Personal favorite) sticking a piece of incense into the urethra, lighting it on fire, passing out, and having the hole of your penis close shut sending you to the ER for surgery.
Behold the powers of booze and horniness.
The Internet is a wealth of information. And, amongst that wealth, there are "31 Really Bad masturbation Ideas." You can view the full list Here. Or read my list of some of the more disturbing ones.
1. Using a pen in the anus with the cap on and having the cap get stuck, waiting a day and crapping it out.
2. Putting a piece of wire into the urethra and ending up hospitalized for three days.
3. Putting a pencil, eraser side first, into the urethra and cutting the inside of the penis.
4. Putting a curling iron into your vagina, only to realize that it is still on.
5. (My Personal favorite) sticking a piece of incense into the urethra, lighting it on fire, passing out, and having the hole of your penis close shut sending you to the ER for surgery.
Behold the powers of booze and horniness.
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